Does My Fat Ass Make My Ass Look Fat?
The title of this book is How Not To Look Fat, which absolutely kills me. It reminds me of the magnet that Hausfrau gave me at this year's Weetapiecon. The saying on the magnet is the title for this entry and if there is ever a Big Fat Deal T-shirt, that is my nomination for a slogan. In slimming black, of course. Which actually brings me back to the book, which explains how to dress and stand so that you look less fat. Apparently you are supposed to stand pigeon-toed? I don't get that.
"'I think women should dress the way their bodies really are - not the way they wish their bodies were,' [Author Danica Lo] says. 'That's why you see so many fashion mistakes. So many women dressing so they look bigger than they actually are.'"
The book also brings up sunglasses, but doesn't mention what the verdict is. I think it's going to be pro- big obnoxious sunglasses, because small accessories make you look bigger, right? I hope so, because I dearly love big obnoxious sunglasses.
"'I think women should dress the way their bodies really are - not the way they wish their bodies were,' [Author Danica Lo] says. 'That's why you see so many fashion mistakes. So many women dressing so they look bigger than they actually are.'"
The book also brings up sunglasses, but doesn't mention what the verdict is. I think it's going to be pro- big obnoxious sunglasses, because small accessories make you look bigger, right? I hope so, because I dearly love big obnoxious sunglasses.
posted by mo pie at 8:01 PM
12 Comments:
I will concede that some of her tips are potentially good if you modify them for your own body type (some of us got the clue about capris looong ago, I look decent in sleeveless turtles because the majority of my excess is below my waist, and Converse, although cute, will eventually ruin your feet).
However, does anyone else see anything wrong with THIS
"some of the larger models, as in size 4, don't look that good in skinny pants"
?????
When they tell me the SIZE FLIPPING FOUR model doesn't LOOK GOOD in something (I mean the whole shrieking slobbering crackhead point of Vogue is "skinny good" -- way to shoot a hole in your own logic, B&Gs), that's when I tune the fashion industry the h*** out and wear whatever I flipping want.
/rant
I just love how the article starts out "you have no will power to give up ice cream".
Yes. Because all fat people have never dieted.
I hate stupid people.
Well obviously all I do is sit around and eat ice cream all the time. I'm eating ice cream right now, from the cooler that I keep next to my computer at all times. Duh!
I'd like to hear the explanation on standing pigeon-toed. Usually that just makes you look like you're 3-years-old. I know that TV reporters will stand at about a 45 degree angle to the camera because that's the angle they look the thinnest at while still being basically pointed at the camera.
"Skim the area under the boobs", does she mean the midriff? BECAUSE THAT IS WHERE I AM THE FATTEST. I resemble humpty dumpty on stilts. I would look pregnant in a halter.
I hate her.
I personally like the shorts recommendation. If you're whinning about not being able to wear shorts over your fat ass because you might get heat stroke, then okay, you can wear shorts, but "Choose a length that ends between 2 and 4 1/2 inches from your crotch, the most flattering length."
Two inches from my crotch?!? I have really short legs and that still seems really short. I would think my fat ass looks better in my knee length shorts (like I said, I'm really short) than in ones where my fat ass is hanging out.
And thankfully I don't happen to find my butt to be excessively big so I get to not wear high heels everyday. Yippee!!
The odd thing is that I have this friend, who is a size 18, who I didn't know was really a plus size until she was complaining about it. Now she normally wears long, billowy skirts (-gasp-), which, I now know is a big fashion no-no. However, the one day I saw her in a pair of jeans was the first day I thought she looked like a plus size.
Maybe she should have been standing pigeon toed. :)
I love all your comments - I'm trying not to laugh out loud at my desk. Which is good since after reading the article I was getting depressed about spending the summer sweating bullets in my cardigan!
Some of the advice I agree with, but you've really got adapt it to your own body. Being 5' 9" I try to stay away from heels because at my size I'm pretty sure towering over everyone like JENZILLA is the wrong fashion statement to make.
I'm thinking we should all put on her suggested outfits and take some pictures of how skinny we look. Imagine it: shorts two inches from our crotches, plus a halter top with a cardigan over it, and some pointy shoes. That would be so hot.
Wow, what a stupid (but funny) article. I love the last line, about converse making your feet look smaller. I love my All Stars, but my size 10 feet do NOT look smaller in them.
So I'm supposed to wear pointy-toe heels, a drop- waist sundress and cardigan? Are these people high? Because with the single exception of the mid-rise boot cut jeans, there is not one piece of that advice I would follow.
The best book I've found that actually gives GOOD fashion advice for women of all sizes is The Pocket Stylist by Kendall Farr - it acknowledges that all women's bodies (fat, thin and in between) come in different proportions.
Hey! I LIKE my capris, and they look cute on me. I'm not sure they make me look "tall and skinny", but they look nice and summery. Unless I wear them with sneakers, then I look like a hobbit.
I carry most of my weight on the bottom half, drop-waisted ANYTHING will make me look at least a size larger, and conceal any shape I have. I think more people look good in the opposite: empire waist.
The shorts thing I can almost see, some rounder women look better in short shorts, though you have to feel ok with showing a lot of thigh. The only time I wear shorts is hiking in the desert, and I don't care if I look svelte then, I just care about practicality.
My biggest problem with this article (besides the fashion tips all being from the least flattering part of the 1980s) is that there is no attention paid to practicality or comfort, except the little bit about sticking to natural fibers. It's all about "looking skinny" not "looking good".
About the Converse -- since when are fat people supposed to make our feet look smaller, anyway? Wouldn't the illusion of smaller feet make our bodies appear larger in comparison? Shouldn't we be aiming for big chunky duck feet (like the ones I currently own, which are just as large in All-Stars as anywhere else)?
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