Awesome Blossom, Extra Awesome

As if fried Coke weren't awesome enough, here is medication based on the notion that Jesus will help you lose weight.

"Our contemporary food delivery system results in loss of many original nutrients; however, the scientists at Faith Meds™ have studied God's natural design for nutrition and developed supplements that make it possible for you to nourish yourself as He intended."

I find the picture at the top of their about page very terrifying. And I love how their mission to spread the Word costs twenty bucks a pop. Come on, can't I get some free healing? Maybe from one of those Gideon Bibles?

Fried Blog

Since we’re on the subject of legislation and food, does anyone think that fried Coke should be illegal? I hope not, because I kind of want to try it. It seems so very wrong, and yet so right.

“Balls of the batter are then deep-fried, ending up like ping-pong ball sized doughnuts which are then served in a cup, topped with Coca-Cola syrup, whipped cream, cinnamon sugar and a cherry on the top.”

I also have to say that the concept of fried Diet Coke cracks me up. It seems like a lost cause.

Internet Drama

The Non-Ugly Fats have popped up in the comments to defend themselves. They say it's like a sorority, it's a joke, and we don't get it.

"And you think we have no self esteem? Ok! Sure. Because we realize that just because we're fat, doesn't mean we have to give up on taking care of ourselves. Just because we're fat we can't wear fashionable clothes or get our brows waxed or style our hair."

I can't even parse this. Do they even understand this website?

Tom Cruise Grooms His Beard

Tom Cruise has reportedly become "very concerned" about Katie "Kate" Holmes being too fat after childbirth, so he's put her on a strict exercise regime to make sure she is skinny in time for the wedding. He's hired a bunch of babysitters and everything. Isn't he so sweet?

I Have Confidence In Sunshine

I don't know why I enjoyed Chauffi's wardrobe rebooting idea so much, but I did. Maybe it's because none of my clothes seem to fit right at the moment, and I haven't gone through and weeded out my closet recently, and I don't have enough places to even store my clothes.

"The recent stress troubles added to my waistline, and I should really just dump everything and start fresh. I do like to do that. And really, I should face my closet with confidence. It should not take 20 minutes and a lot of gut sucking to find something to wear to an open mic night."

I think it was "I should face my closet with confidence" that I enjoyed. It's a noble goal. Of course, in order to actually throw everything out and start over, I would need more than my current budget of zero. Plus, today I'm wearing a shirt that I really love.

And yes, Jen Wade, it's from Target.

Claudia Schiffer Says: Models Should Eat More Ham

Claudia Schiffer loves chocolate. She's still underweight, compared to normal people, but thinks:

"It doesn't really look good any more," the 36-year-old was quoted as saying in an interview with Germany's Bunte magazine.

"Fashion looks good on thin models, but when you look at today's models you can not help but think there is something wrong. They are way too thin. It is only bones that stick out."

The trend just keeps on trending, and models get thinner and thinner by the decade. My prediction: someday, models will vanish altogether.

Drive-Through Tax

Thanks to Jen Wade, I found this op-ed piece suggesting a tax on drive-through food to combat the "obesity epidemic."

"If the low “cost” of eating fast food is adding to the obesity problem, the solution involves increasing the cost, even in a nominal way. How do we give individuals the incentive to pay a little more — increased physical exertion, lack of convenience — to get their food? This is where a drive-through tax comes in."

What do you think? Do you use a drive-through? Would paying extra change your drive-through habits at all? Do you think those extra fifteen calories burned by walking into the store--or the inconvenience of having to go into the store at all--would make a difference? Or does it just piss you off?

A Love Letter To Fat People

Except without the "love" part. The description of this movie on Yahoo is that “A meek guy is pressed into marrying a monstrous woman.” Why is she monstrous, you ask? Does she lie, cheat, steal, pull the whiskers off of kittens? Why no—it’s even worse—she’s fat! As if that weren’t off-putting enough, I have six words for you: Eddie Murphy in a fat suit.

I loved Eddie Murphy right up until watching this trailer. His performance in Bowfinger is one of my all-time favorite film performances, or at least it was, until watching this trailer. “Offensive” does not even begin to cover it. I’m willing to concede that in Shallow Hal, they were at least interested in making the fat girl a real person with real feelings, in spite of the fat suit and all the fat jokes. This movie is just an excuse to fat bash, and because it’s not a “real” fat woman, it makes it all okay.

Watching this trailer just left a horrible taste in my mouth. I can’t imagine that there is anything redeeming about it whatsoever, and I can’t believe Eddie Murphy is stooping so low, or that anyone would stoop so low as to go see it. Go rent Last Holiday instead. Now there’s a movie!

Happy Love Your Body Day! I Got You This Ham.

Today is Love Your Body Day 2006:

"Hollywood and the fashion, cosmetics and diet industries work hard to make each of us believe that our bodies are unacceptable and need constant improvement. Print ads and television commercials reduce us to body parts — lips, legs, breasts — airbrushed and touched up to meet impossible standards. TV shows tell women and teenage girls that cosmetic surgery is good for self-esteem. Is it any wonder that 80% of U.S. women are dissatisfied with their appearance?

Women and girls spend billions of dollars every year on cosmetics, fashion, magazines and diet aids. These industries can't use negative images to sell their products without our assistance.

Together, we can fight back."

Boldface theirs, but it is also in my heart.

Okay. Okay, it is a made-up holiday, but it is like someone was listening. Hell, yes, and a high-five to NOW.

We Do We Rule? Because We Love The Ham

Sometimes, the best part about writing a blog is the emails you get in response.

Anyway, just wanted to tell you that you shouldn't really worry so much about your looks. If you want to exercise and eat healthy crap for your help, then thats great!

But if you kill yourself working out and eating disgusting healthy crap just to improve your looks.. i say just be yourself. I'm a big guy but i do what i do to lose weight and try and get healthy, not for my looks. There are some of guys (albeit not many) that prefer bigger girls because for some reason, girls with bigger curves aren't bitches like other, non-curvaceous women out there.

It's so true!

Breaking News!!one!!

This article in SignOnSanDiego hits all the high notes in the the evil media vs. the sad fat people debate. America is getting fatter? Check. Many celebrities are scary-thin and getting thinner? Check. Images of super-skinny stars can make normal girls feel dangerously ugly? The media puts out the idea, and consumers buy into it over and over even though we're not stupid, except maybe we are? Check, and check, and check.

"[T]he majority of women understand, intellectually, that the glamour they see on their TVs and in magazines and on billboards is manufactured – either achieved with personal chefs, trainers, nannies and a genetic tendency toward preferring carrot sticks to Snickers bars, or simply photo-shopped and flat out phony.

Some 81 percent of women in the U.S. strongly agreed that 'the media and advertising set an unrealistic standard of beauty that most women can't ever achieve,' and 75 percent would like to see more images of diverse beauty, according to a recent survey commissioned by Dove, the soap company.

Yet, women, and increasingly men, keep trying. One quarter of American men and 45 percent of American women are dieting on any given day. Americans spend a reported $40 billion on dieting and diet-related products a year. When that doesn't work, hundreds of thousands turn to plastic surgery and liposuction.

The article has good points, and is eloquent. And it's important to be mindful of this kind of thing. And maybe the story reached someone in a cave in darkest Malaysia, or touched the black and size-zero heart of a fat-hater.

But I don't know. Maybe I'm getting old and worn out and jaded (and stupid), because it just makes me sad, and I'm getting tired of reading about the problem. I'd like to start reading about maybe solutions. I'd like to make an official wish for solutions. Which is as naive as I am jaded.

Testing Comments

The comments are broken on the previous post. Let's see if these work.

Sorry, We Don't Hate Ourselves

Still curious about that plus-sized model from the Gaultier show? There's a lot of chitchat over at the always-fabulous Pound:

"On a related note, you know what else is beautiful? When designers go beyond the supposedly mind-blowing act of putting a fat chick on the runway and actually make clothes for her."

Weetabix also sent us a link to the interview with the Gaultier model, and in her e-mail, Weetabix said:

"I love how she talks back to the interviewer, who is clearly trying to get her to admit that fat people should lose weight."

Yeah, that article really is baiting her. "HOW DO YOU FEEL WHEN YOU ARE IN FASHION SHOWS AND YOU'RE SURROUNDED BY SKINNY MODELS?" "SOME AVERAGE-SIZED WOMEN WHO ARE A LITTLE BIT LARGER THAN THE NORM FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE AROUND THIN WOMEN."

It reminds me of being interviewed for The New York Times. The reporter was writing about the idea that obesity might be genetic, and she was asking if I would feel "less guilty about being fat" and "more okay with being overweight" and if I would "hate myself less" if I found out it wasn't my "fault." She kept rephrasing her questions, and I kept insisting that I don't actually hate myself. Honestly, I don't think the whole genetic component is a big shock or mystery, and I don't think it would change my feelings at all. But she kept wanting me to answer differently, I think. "Would you hate yourself less?" Sorry to disappoint, but I don't hate myself at all.

Oh, and to my knowledge, the article never appeared--with or without me.

Internet Nepotism

Hey, I'm back! Thanks to awesome anne for holding down the fort single-hamdedly. (See what I did there? With the ham?) Anyway, here I am, plugging an entry by the poster girl for sexy, fashionable plus-sized women everywhere, my darling friend, Weetabix.

"And don't even dare to hope that you're going to find any Mizrahi For Target above a size 18, because you're just going to be disappointed. The placement of the maternity clothes so near the plus sizes is almost an insult. Poor sad size SMALL lass who is encumbered with a baby bump for an ungodly six months, we will placate you with adorable sundresses and jaunty business wear. But be fat for life? Hope you like Cherokee camp shirts!"

One of my favorite chicks talking about my favorite store. It's like Kate Winslet in last week's Entertainment Weekly, when she said, and I promise this is true, "I love Maid in Manhattan." I love when the things I love collide. Oh! And also, while I'm on the subject, why not go visit Weetabix's Product Anarchy site? It will make you covet things. Like an egg night-light.

Ban the Tran(s) or Damn the Man?

The New York Department of Health and Mental Hygiene will consider banning trans fats from New York City restaurants, and require that restaurants post nutritional information for all the items on their menus.

"New Yorkers are consuming a hazardous, artificial substance without their knowledge or consent," Health Commissioner Dr. Thomas R. Frieden said. "Trans fat causes heart disease. Like lead in paint, artificial trans fat in food is invisible and dangerous, and it can be replaced. While it may take some effort, restaurants can replace trans fat without changing the taste or cost of food. No one will miss it when it's gone"

Meanwhile, the Center for Consumer Freedom calls it "paternalism".

For our part, we told USA Today this morning that the NYC menu intervention is "a solution in search of a problem," since Americans already "know that a Diet Coke has fewer calories than a milkshake."

New York is no stranger to meddling government regulators who are pretty sure that they know better than the people they ostensibly represent -- especially the poor.

So what do you think? Are they saving us, or keeping us down?

You Won't Believe It

But kids would rather eat junk than healthy food. I know. I know! It's as if junk food actually offers more in the way of instant gratification and yummy taste.

"Cook says the problem is that many children just don't 'understand' the food that well-meaning grown-ups want them to eat. Many children, she says, don't eat stews, pies, and pasta concoctions at home. Some don't even like foods touching each other on a plate, she says, let alone mixed together in a casserole. For them, the new menu - replete with items like Quorn burger (a meat substitute made from fungus) with gravy and lentil curry - is anathema."

Well, Quorn is actually really good, but "gravy and lentil curry"? Those poor kids!

-- mo pie

Are You Fat & Gorgeous?

Igigi, online plus-size retailer with lovely things, and maker of the famous wrap dress, is conducting a national model search.

Maybe you will get free clothes! Oh, and also be a model.

Sorry About Your Erection

One of the things I've always liked about The Lusty Lady, a (unionized!) peepshow/strip club in San Francisco, is that they are committed to "alternate" types of beauty -- employing more than just blondes with a double set of floaties.

Some of these dancers, though, are too alternative for the guys who come to beat off in tiny booths, which impacted sales, which had employees upset, which created a schism within the union, which has a lot of people upset. The argument: we're hiring fat and ugly women, so that's why our profits are going in the hole. Interestingly: the complaints about "nightmares" came from the BBW night. What did these guys expect to see on a BBW night?

Thanks for the heads up, Monkey, Shannon K and Jen Wade, who are all B.

Hope After All

In his new collection, Jean-Paul Gaultier used a plus size model on the runway.

Three guesses why is it among the most emailed photos on Yahoo.

Ace in the Hole

Drew Barrymore's boyfriend is apparently trying to fatten her up because after she lost weight, her boobs shrunk. That's vaguely creepy, yet somewhat encouraging.

-- mo pie

It's Entirely Pointy

From Overheard in New York

Which I Would Spell Out if I Didn't Feel So Light-Headed

Skinny fashionista: If you just eat like I eat and exercise, you'll lose weight. I swear!
Normal woman: But you hardly eat anything. Don't you get hungry?
Skinny fashionista: You are totally missing the point!

--Bar, Soho Grand

Mouth-Breathing Men Fear Smart Women

Maxim Magazine (that bastion of cultural commentary) decided to rank the "10 most unattractive women on TV." [editor's note: it appears to have been since yanked from the site. interesting] I fully expected the list to be populated with fat women, but their press release pegged Rosie O'Donnell as "too obvious" a choice. In fact, although they did call Pam Grier "keg-like" (which, whatever, that's "Pam motherfuckin' Grier" to you), the list wasn't about fat women at all. Instead, it was just weird. As Celebritology puts it:

"I can only conclude that they must've been going for subtle, inner unattractiveness here. That doesn't explain, though, why the list is made up of a non-nonsensical mix of fictional characters (Peggy Hill, Jerri Blank, Ugly Betty, Calamity Jane) and real women (Christiane Amanpour, Fran Drescher, Tina Yothers, Pam Grier -- Pam Grier?!? -- Tina Fey, Nancy Grace). No mention is made, by the way, that the actresses behind Jerri Blank and Ugly Betty -- Amy Sedaris and America Ferrera -- are not only knockouts, but ridiculously talented."

You said it, sister. Also, considering that they included not one but two CNN news anchors as well as Tina Fey, I think the real message here is obvious.

--mo pie