Help La Rhonda
La Rhonda left this comment on a post here.
"My name is La Rhonda and I am a plus size woman and I have tried every diet in the world. What else is their to do. I am so insecure and need a word of wisdon. I cried threw the whole show on Mo'niques fat chance because they were so beautiful and I wished I had it in me to feel that way.Thank you."
I'm sure we can all relate to this; I know I sure can. How do we stop feeling insecure and start loving ourselves a little more? What advice do we have for La Rhonda? I'll start us off in the comments.
"My name is La Rhonda and I am a plus size woman and I have tried every diet in the world. What else is their to do. I am so insecure and need a word of wisdon. I cried threw the whole show on Mo'niques fat chance because they were so beautiful and I wished I had it in me to feel that way.Thank you."
I'm sure we can all relate to this; I know I sure can. How do we stop feeling insecure and start loving ourselves a little more? What advice do we have for La Rhonda? I'll start us off in the comments.
posted by mo pie at 8:10 PM
9 Comments:
Dye your hair some outrageous color. Find yourself a lover or sidekick whose job is to tell you that you're the most beautiful woman in the world. Dance around your house for no reason at all. Take a bubble bath by candlelight. Look at yourself in the mirror and say You are a gorgeous, divine creature. Dress the part.
Realize that the average size of an American woman IS plus size! Join a spa and get a facial. Call a Mary Kay saleswoman for a makeover (who said you have to buy anything?). Buy yourself some jewelry. Find clothes that make you FEEL beautiful (clothes can really make or break a person's self esteem). Go out on the town with a girlfriend. Watch old sappy romance movies all night and give yourself a pedicure.
Exercise makes you feel better, even if you start really small. If you hate aerobics, you don't have to do that - there's a world of variety, and if it starts with just strolling around the block every evening, that's fine. Once you begin to get fitter you will find activities you like, and it really does make you feel better in your daily life.
(I wouldn't have believed this either if you'd told me when I was at school. I started out swimming - nobody can see how bad I look in my swimsuit once I'm in the water - and have progressed to running, which I hated like poison at school when I had to do it. Now exercise gives me some time to myself, time to think and get away from the stresses of the day, and I get a real kick out of thinking how much more I can do than I used to.)
In addition to the previous excellent suggestions, La Rhonda (and I have to say, exercising regularly makes me feel strong and confident like nothing else), get yourself to a bookstore pronto and read some good ol' fashioned feminism. Start with Naomi Wolf's The Beauty Myth, continue with Susan Faludi's Backlash, and just keep on truckin'.
Look inside yourself and find what is unique and lovable about YOU. Affirm it. When you feel good about yourself on the inside and nurture yourself, then you will take care of the outside with good nutrition and exercise.
Try being outraged that society teaches us to feel this way?
We didn't hate our bodies when we were babies. We had to learn it from somewhere.
Fuck that shit. Enjoy the curves. Enjoy being lovely and soft and good to touch and hold and hug. Clothes that fit your body, not hide your body are so important. Taking care of yourself is so important - drinking water, taking a vitamin, sure, but also a good haircut and being good to your skin and keeping your nails neat and polished and lipstick that makes your mouth shiny and luscious and remembering that food is something that tastes amazing, is a pleasure and a luxury, not something to feel guilty and ashamed about. That's what is important.
I've felt a lot better about how I look ever since I started reading about fashion. Nothing hardcore, but I picked up a book by the women who do the British version of the TV show What Not to Wear after they were on Oprah and made people look liked they'd lost 20 pounds just by dressing them up differently.
So now I know to wear clothes that skim my body, not too tight or too lose. I've figured out what colors look best on me and what to look for in a pair of jeans. I know that I look good in V-tops.
Most importantly, I got rid of all the clothes that I didn't like even if they still fit. Every piece of clothing in your wardrobe should be a favorite. That way you enjoy what you're wearing everyday, assuming you can afford to do that.
It's an odd change for me because I used to be against anything remotely 'girly' like fashion and make-up or women's mags because I never wanted to do something simply because I was a girl. But as I've aged I've come to see these areas don't have to be girl ghettos but can actually make you feel better about yourself if you approach them with the right attitude.
My heart goes out to you, La Rhonda...I know you've received some great suggestions, so I'll try not to repeat them. I think it would help if you could find something to do that takes your mind off your appearance. Become a big sister to a young girl, go to a senior center and ask how you can get involved as a volunteer. Learn a craft, take a class, start working to improve yourself from the inside out. You'll be surprised how much better you'll feel. And your new attitude will attract friends and lovers too.
Oh...and make a list of your talents, good traits etc. Post it on the wall and look at it every morning. Focus on the things you like about yourself.
And please join a size-acceptance group. There are lots of them online. The support and tips will make you feel less lonely.
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