Fat People: Stop Being Happy.
Anne Diamond, a British television personality, has a column in the Daily Mail, called "Why you can never be fat and happy."
It shouldn't - but fat demeans you, even in your own eyes...I was already divorced, but it is at this stage that many people turn away from their partner, and turn instead to the fridge. Outside my family, the closest relationship I had was with a packet of Hobnobs.Because that is what it all boils down to. Fat people spend their entire lives hating themselves, wearing stretch pants and t-shirts and being ashamed to be looked at. Her experience struck some nerves with me, but I have spent a lot of my fat life deliberately working against every single thing she said, and I have ended up happy. It is hard to be fat, but Anne Diamond, you just made it harder on yourself.
When you're fat, you dread getting dressed in the mornings because you hate all your fat clothes, and you dread going to bed at night feeling a failure because you've eaten a Malteser.
The moral of the story: What's really demeaning? This article.
posted by anne at 1:17 PM
23 Comments:
I don't get it- You can't be happy and fat because you can't be fat and happy?
How 'bout this circular logic- Self-loathing makes you hate yourself, not HobNobs and Maltesers!
Thanks to reader Mouse, who also sent me this article!
I really think the author is trying to be more balanced than the headline would suggest. However, she comes across as retroactively self-loathing and definitely fat-hating.
She mentions a couple of times that fat prejudice is unacceptable, but the entire premise of the article is that all "fatties" are miserable. I mean what the hell? She says a lot of things that are true, I'm not denying that, but in the end, it's about how losing weight saved her from a life of misery, despair, and worthlessness. In short, I completely agree with you.
The part I can't figure out is when you're supposed to stop being unhappy. When you lose 10, 20, 50 pounds? When you get control over yourself? I lost 20 pounds over several years, so obviously this was not a diet and there wasn't an empowering moment of triumph over the Hobnobs.
I try to watch it, but this last month I started gaining weight from school stress eating and half my clothes became unwearable, and I suddenly realized my weight didn't really matter. Meeting my atrocious deadlines made me happy, and the roll around my middle couldn't take that away. Am I supposed to be ashamed?
PS-
I laughed at the picture of Anne Diamond with the column- she's got that frozen grin and glazed expression that says "Look at the new me! Take the picture quick so I can breathe! I don't need HobNobs to be Happeee!!"
On a note of fairness, it must be especially hard to feel happy with your weight if you're on television. But it seems like she's internalized the critical voices. I'm with you mo pie- working against every single thing she said is a better way to be happy!
Using the second person like that is presumptuous. Saying "you dread" or "you hate" assumes that just because one fat person feels that way, all fat people feel that way. I think it's best to stick to the first person when describing how being fat made you feel because every fat person's story is different.
This article raises many questions. Did the author write it to make people feel sorry for her former fat self? To make fat people feel worse about themselves? Or to make the reader admire her for losing weight? And, most importantly, what is a Hobknob?
I think i've answered some of my questions about Anne Diamond's motivation for writing the article.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/4685800.stm
She appeared on Celebrity Fit Club, a TV show in which contestants diet and exercise to lose weight, then there was a furore when it was revealed she'd had WLS.
This comment is telling: "I think ITV's decision to let her remain on board is a compassionate gesture to someone who so needs to fall back in love with herself."
You know what I've learned about this entire process? And why Diamond completely misses the point, and thus leads other people down a path that won't necessarily result in happieness? Because obesity is not a CAUSE of unhappieness. It's a SYMPTOM. And not a reliable one, because I know plenty of people who are large (adn don't think of themselves as fat, regardless of the Size 0 mentality being shoved down out throats). I'm coming to realize that any unhappieness I have is not because I'm fat. I'm fat because I have some unresolved issues, and I'm using the fat to cover them up and anesthetize them. If I address the issues, losing weight becomes almost a given.
Thus losing the weight is actually a nice by-product of addressing those issues, its an objective measure of how successful I've been at that.
Anonymous asked "when (are you) supposed to stop being unhappy? When you lose 10,20, 50 pounds?" Right on. When you blame your unhappiness on your fat, you'll never be happy, because to somebody, you'll never be good enough. When you see that your fat is simply a symptom, you'll know when you're happy. Its why people like Akkasha, who lost some 250 pounds, was perfectly happy with being 175: it wasn't the number she was happy with, it wasn't the weight. It was things she cleared up in her life, clearing the way to focus on the physical manifestation of her unhappyness.
I agree with Heather. There may be many fat women who are happy, but I can show you a whole bunch (myself included) who find that as their weight creeps up, their self esteems rachets down. It doesn't mean we are our weight, or that it is impossible to ever be happy when carrying extra pounds around. But I have been very overweight and also "average" weight (I'm up a few pounds over that right now) and I can tell you that not only am I more self confident, fun loving, adventurous, fearless, and optimistic when I'm trimmer, I'm also much happier. You don't have to agree with this, but I have many friends who struggle with weight who do. So good for those of you who can embrace your weight and be happy whatever the scale says, but I assure you that there are many who will identify with the article.
Here's a brief description of HobNobs at a British website with a very cute name.
Although not British, I can bear witness to the oaty, buttery goodness of HobNobs. The ones with chocolate on top are especially nice.
Thanks for that link, Eleanor. I had to laugh at the couple form California who brought back 37 packets of Hobnobs in their luggage!
I do think the article would come across as realistic and familiar to woman fat people. However what's demeaning about the article, it the tone it takes. Because of society's stereotypes it IS hard to be fat and happy. However that doesn't mean you have to succumb to the stereotypes and obsess with being thin and slim to be happy. It's just a matter of changing your attitude towards the stereotypes, learn to love and accept yourself, and get happy and stay fat :) As a plus size woman, I know this isn't easy, it's a constant struggle at times, but it doesn't mean it's not achievable!
Sorry for the second comment but I cannot help but think... with all recent the hot debates about extra skinny models dying, plus size models being introduced on runways and teenage girls being overly obsessed about being thin... it's very encouraging to see The Daily Mail published such a size positive article! [note... very sarcastic tone here]. I mean Ok realistic and all, but at least tone down the article title. It's very very bold, and so so negative.
"Try painting your toenails when you have three folds of stomach in the way. It's not funny when you live this way."
Gosh, I do that all the time, and it never occurred to me to be miserable. Then again, I haven't counted the folds in my stomach, so perhaps I don't fully understand how miserable I'm supposed to be. I better check. Maybe if I only have TWO folds I'm still worthy enough to treat myself to a salon pedicure. I'll have to ask Anne Diamond.
If it turns out you have four folds, Wendy, you might have to go ahead and kill yourself.
I believe what a person does with their body is their decision, whether to lose weight or be happy with where they are. But what bothers me about articles like this most of all is the underlying message that losing weight is a woman's greatest accomplishment, greater than achievements in education, work, family life, or creativity. And the "I'm superior becaue I'm now skinny" pose in the picture really annoys me.
Oh dear.
The Daily Mail is not exactly the highest-quality paper out there, it has to be admitted. But this article is just depressing.
Certainly for me, I had to learn to learn to like myself, and not hang my self-esteem on my appearance, before I could start the business of getting fitter and treating my body properly. It may not be true for everybody. But for me, getting happy came first.
I think the scariest thing about her column is how she seems to think that making the transition from fat to thin is the same thing as going from unhealthy to healthy and from unhhappy to happy. Like the first anonymous said and v’ron added to, it’s really hard to win the game if success is defined as “thin” rather than “less fat” or “healthier.” The most scary thing is that Anne Diamond implies that weight loss needs to come first, that she thinks these Brazilian kids are a positive example:”. . . after gastric bypass operations, these same children lost weight and discovered they loved running around like other kids. They were ordinary after all.”
I used to focus on food guilt and the Someday when I will have my shit together and therefore be “thin, ” but those mental habits just got in the way of learning about what my body and soul really need. Like v’ron and k, I have found that figuring out how to be healthier and happier has made the biggest difference. I have learned that I actually like the way exercise makes my body feel, even though it’s a big fat body. I have learned that eating sugary snacks make me feel depressed and horrible because of blood sugar levels (not guilt), and that skipping meals does the same thing. And I am happiest when I eat good vegetables and healthy proteins because they are nourishing as well as tasty. But some HobNobs now and then don’t ruin everything. For most people the only happy ending to this story would be if I have now lost lots and lots of weight because of this knowledge. No, but I have lost some pounds, and also an awful lot of baggage.
It doesn't surprise me that the Daily Mail published this article, afterall it is an evil misogynistic piece of shit newspaper and I am personally making it my life mission to destroy this evil woman hating paper!
Whilst I can appreciate Anne Diamond's self loathing, she cannot assume that all women are the same. I think that if you hate yor weight then you should do something to make yourself feel better. Equally so if you are overweight and happy Anne Diamond/Daily Male can fuck off.
Luv CG xx xx xx
The most insulting and degrading thing about this article is not the sentiment; it's the fact that it was written by a woman.
But what bothers me about articles like this most of all is the underlying message that losing weight is a woman's greatest accomplishment, greater than achievements in education, work, family life, or creativity.
I totally agree. If you google Anne Diamond you'll see that she has had many problems in life - one of her sons died from cot death. It's as though she focused on her fat as the source of all her problems when there were other issues she could have been dealing with.
I know I'm thinking about this way too much, but I think she wrote the article to justify having a lapband fitted - after she was publicly criticised for not disclaiming the surgery when she joined a weight loss TV program. And with a BMI of 35.5, she wouldn't be eligible for WLS in the US or Australia.
Urgh - and now I see she's going to publish a diet book. *rolls eyes*
i have never met a happy skinny person either. i was fat once, over 200 pounds and i was miserable because i was a fat blob. now i wear a size 2 and i'm still miserable because i'm starving all the time just so i can stay this size.
I can't figure out why the author is so unhappy. She has realized that it shouldn't demeans fat already. Big people should love ourselves first. Then it would be get happier and happier. Don't be discourage. Make more kindly big friends at largeplace.com to set up your self-confidence
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